Korbyn...

Korbyn was my first actual pregnancy. We are pretty sure he was supposed to be a miscarriage. I had an incredible amount of blood loss during my first few weeks. I later read that when your baby has health defects your body can expel the baby believing it is a foreign object. Korbyn was born on August 17th 1992 and he had a heart defect called ventricular septic defect, a hole in his ventricle. His Dr suggested we wait and watch since other wise he was a fairly healthy child.

We watched for the next 14 years until finally his valve began to prolapse which meant he would need to have surgery to close the hole in hopes of saving the valve. I can't describe to you the fear that runs through your mind and body as you face something so risky and you know that you are the one signing the papers allowing them to open your child up. He needed full open heart surgery!

Korbyn has always been a quiet spirit. He loves video games and books. He doesn't talk too much to others but once you get to know him he's funny and open. He's always been very private though and embarrasses easily. I guess I just looked at him as a little more frail then the others but I would find out through his health issues that he is much stronger than I ever gave him credit for.

He's always been a little different than my other boys. He loved music and singing and playing the piano he never really wanted to play sports and he LOVED girl toys LOL

Korb's also a very kind person but he has been given many challenges in life. One of his challenges along with his health is he has an explosive temper. It takes a while to push him to his breaking point but when he hits it calming him down is near impossible. He's not violent with people but he gets so angry!

This has been a rough year for my son. He took the divorce the worst I think. He became very defensive of me and very resentful of his father. He was carrying a very heavy weight on his shoulders that he did not want to disclose. There were many nights he would cry uncontrollably. I couldn't fix it which was almost worse than the physical pain I watched him go through. He began therapy shortly after the separation and was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, social anxiety and dysthmic disorder. I felt so bad that I had passed my depressive issues onto my child who already had a body with challenges.

As his mother I continued to sense that things just were not right with him and that he had something really tugging at his soul. It would be several months before he finally talked to me...Korbyn is gay.

This poor kid has been given so many things in life to deal with. I have been grateful to the Lord for bringing him to me and for giving us a plan and a path to follow that would somehow make these challenges a little easier. He has such a good soul and he really longs to please the Lord but he feels as though he can't change his sexuality.

Korbyn and I have a wonderful relationship and we are learning so much from one another. I am learning what true and genuine Christ like love is and he is learning how to be who he is without letting it define him. It's hard to explain what that means to each of us but to say that Korbyn has chosen to actively be a gay man in the church. He plans on still following the rules of courtship but with his own sexual preference. I'm not quite sure how I feel about everything except I know for sure that I love my son and I want to afford him every right to make choices that I do all my friends and fellow brothers and sisters.

I am also a member of a church that doesn't support practicing homosexuality. I firmly believe that if Heavenly Father wants us to practice something He will make it acceptable through our prophets and revelators but I will not stand in judgment of another especially not my own child. I tell my son my beliefs but I still wrap my arms around him every day. I allow Korbyn's companion in our home and he goes to church with us even. If they get married legally then I will accept him in my family The reason I have chosen to do this is because I know that each person is accountalbe for themselves and if I give up on my son and distance him or any of my other brothers or sisters than I'm the one not truly following Christ...Korbyn has his own relationship with our Father in Heaven and I do not know how he will be judged individually. My job as his mother is to teach him, encourage him to make the right choices and to make sure he understands what the churches standing is but I also have to love him care for him and be there when its possible. I think I have done those things.

It is very very hard for me. I am sad because he will have such a hard life but my son is a good person. He goes to college and is working towards being an RN. He works at walmart part time and pays for his insurance and phone bill. He helps with the kids and he tries really hard to be a source of support for me.

Korbyn may be facing another open heart surgery this year as his valve still has a moderate leak. Once again he is taking it like a trooper and his response was good...I get some time off work LOL

Korbyn's an amazing child born with difficult physical issues but he is still going on. I am so proud of him for continuing to go to church despite the fact that others may not think he should be there. It shows me that he does love the Lord even through his challenge and maybe at some point he will overcome his physical trial. The best part of all of this is the love I know Heavenly Father has for my son! God blessed my life with another son who is fighting his way through many earthly trials...we can't win them all but I'm proud of his efforts!