Konner...

I will have to post pics later cuz I'm at work but I had a few minutes so here goes child number 3 :)

Konner was born on March 10, 1994. He was my biggest of all the babies weighing 9 pounds even. I'm pretty sure 8 of it was his head though. I literally used to have to cut his shirts when he was a baby just to get it through!

He was a really good baby right from the start. Even when they circumcised him and gave him his first shots he didn't cry. He was a little more sensitive than the rest when he was younger. I remember whenever I told him "no" no matter whether I said it in a stern voice or a gentle one he would run to the back throw himself down put his head in his arms and cry till I held him!

Konner LOVED power rangers. He even got up and bore his testimony about them when he was 7 LOL He would carry one between each finger and two in his mouth from the age of two till about 10! He was very animated pretty early on and would make lots of funny sounds when he played. I knew the difference between him and Korbyn pretty early...they both played with barbies but Korbyn would brush their hair and Konner would make them fight and pass gas LOL

He was very affectionate and loving and quite the mamma's boy! Up until maybe a year ago he was always going to live with me forever and ever and when he got married him and his wife would live with me! I didn't mind though, I kind of liked the idea to tell you the truth LOL

Konner started becoming interested in school plays in middle school. At the school they give preference to the older kids so he didn't always get the parts he wanted to but he always got to do something. This past year he started going to the Eichelberger Performing Arts Center in Hanover. He absolutely loves it! He has been in several plays now including Apple Tree Hill, Zombie Prom and this year Willy Wonka and God Spell begin showing Nov 14, 20th, and 21st...yes, he has two plays on each day that month. Go to the eich site and check it out for times and prices :) These are just the plays at the arts center. At school he has been in the musicals Aladin, Beauty and the Beast, Mulan, Fiddler on the Roof, Cinderella and a few others I can't remember LOL He stars in the 2nd act of the play this year for the high school but I don't know the name of it yet.

This past month he started working at the Eich to earn a little extra money :) I'm very proud of how hard he pushes himself with the acting. He intends on pursuing it further and my only request is that he not forget to thank his mom and only his mom at the academy awards LOL

On top of being a good actor he always comes up with very quick and witty comebacks! He's really funny in a very sarcastic way (not sure where he gets sarcasm from LOL)

He has lots of friends and honestly I don't see him as much as some of the others...when he is home he LOVES playing on Second Life which is some sort of virtual game that he plays with his friends.

He's a very thoughtful kid and very accepting of others. He is the biggest supporter of his parents even when they do stupid things. He genuinely just wants everyone to be happy. He wasn't very accepting of his sister when she had a boyfriend he didn't like though...he would follow them and send me pictures from school when he didn't like what he saw LOL It was very sweet and cute that he was so protective of her. He's a really good kid and tries to stand up for what he believes in.

He's a little too logical sometimes which is difficult to rationalize with. He doesn't see the point of seminary but he goes cuz I make him and he doesn't want to go on a mission but I'm working on that one. He does love God and he is known by his friends as "the Mormon"

I always said God kissed Konner before he sent him to me. He has the cutest dimple on his cheek and because of that I call him Angel face! I love that kid and him and Allyssa are like having twins that act like a comedy duo!

He's in his junior year of high school and I think that stinks cuz it's only a matter of time before he trots off to New York or California to pursue his dreams. I truly wish him the best and I know he will make it far in life! I get so proud seeing him up there on stage doing what he loves to do and I hope to see it for many more years!

Korbyn...

Korbyn was my first actual pregnancy. We are pretty sure he was supposed to be a miscarriage. I had an incredible amount of blood loss during my first few weeks. I later read that when your baby has health defects your body can expel the baby believing it is a foreign object. Korbyn was born on August 17th 1992 and he had a heart defect called ventricular septic defect, a hole in his ventricle. His Dr suggested we wait and watch since other wise he was a fairly healthy child.

We watched for the next 14 years until finally his valve began to prolapse which meant he would need to have surgery to close the hole in hopes of saving the valve. I can't describe to you the fear that runs through your mind and body as you face something so risky and you know that you are the one signing the papers allowing them to open your child up. He needed full open heart surgery!

Korbyn has always been a quiet spirit. He loves video games and books. He doesn't talk too much to others but once you get to know him he's funny and open. He's always been very private though and embarrasses easily. I guess I just looked at him as a little more frail then the others but I would find out through his health issues that he is much stronger than I ever gave him credit for.

He's always been a little different than my other boys. He loved music and singing and playing the piano he never really wanted to play sports and he LOVED girl toys LOL

Korb's also a very kind person but he has been given many challenges in life. One of his challenges along with his health is he has an explosive temper. It takes a while to push him to his breaking point but when he hits it calming him down is near impossible. He's not violent with people but he gets so angry!

This has been a rough year for my son. He took the divorce the worst I think. He became very defensive of me and very resentful of his father. He was carrying a very heavy weight on his shoulders that he did not want to disclose. There were many nights he would cry uncontrollably. I couldn't fix it which was almost worse than the physical pain I watched him go through. He began therapy shortly after the separation and was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, social anxiety and dysthmic disorder. I felt so bad that I had passed my depressive issues onto my child who already had a body with challenges.

As his mother I continued to sense that things just were not right with him and that he had something really tugging at his soul. It would be several months before he finally talked to me...Korbyn is gay.

This poor kid has been given so many things in life to deal with. I have been grateful to the Lord for bringing him to me and for giving us a plan and a path to follow that would somehow make these challenges a little easier. He has such a good soul and he really longs to please the Lord but he feels as though he can't change his sexuality.

Korbyn and I have a wonderful relationship and we are learning so much from one another. I am learning what true and genuine Christ like love is and he is learning how to be who he is without letting it define him. It's hard to explain what that means to each of us but to say that Korbyn has chosen to actively be a gay man in the church. He plans on still following the rules of courtship but with his own sexual preference. I'm not quite sure how I feel about everything except I know for sure that I love my son and I want to afford him every right to make choices that I do all my friends and fellow brothers and sisters.

I am also a member of a church that doesn't support practicing homosexuality. I firmly believe that if Heavenly Father wants us to practice something He will make it acceptable through our prophets and revelators but I will not stand in judgment of another especially not my own child. I tell my son my beliefs but I still wrap my arms around him every day. I allow Korbyn's companion in our home and he goes to church with us even. If they get married legally then I will accept him in my family The reason I have chosen to do this is because I know that each person is accountalbe for themselves and if I give up on my son and distance him or any of my other brothers or sisters than I'm the one not truly following Christ...Korbyn has his own relationship with our Father in Heaven and I do not know how he will be judged individually. My job as his mother is to teach him, encourage him to make the right choices and to make sure he understands what the churches standing is but I also have to love him care for him and be there when its possible. I think I have done those things.

It is very very hard for me. I am sad because he will have such a hard life but my son is a good person. He goes to college and is working towards being an RN. He works at walmart part time and pays for his insurance and phone bill. He helps with the kids and he tries really hard to be a source of support for me.

Korbyn may be facing another open heart surgery this year as his valve still has a moderate leak. Once again he is taking it like a trooper and his response was good...I get some time off work LOL

Korbyn's an amazing child born with difficult physical issues but he is still going on. I am so proud of him for continuing to go to church despite the fact that others may not think he should be there. It shows me that he does love the Lord even through his challenge and maybe at some point he will overcome his physical trial. The best part of all of this is the love I know Heavenly Father has for my son! God blessed my life with another son who is fighting his way through many earthly trials...we can't win them all but I'm proud of his efforts!

Austin,Jess and baby Javan

So I decided to post a blog about each one of my kids over the next few days or so. Today it's Austin's turn :)

I became Austin's mom when he was three years old. Kyle and his ex-wife had joint custody of him but his mom was keeping visitation away from Kyle. We began to fight what ended up being a very long custody battle. During the fight we were awarded joint custody from Sunday through Thursday and Shauna had him Thursday to Sunday.

Austin was such a bright little boy full of laughter and energy. I became pregnant right after I got married and chasing Austin was not easy LOL Kyle and I had problems pretty much right away but I knew that I was supposed to be this little boys mother. Austin went through a lot of physical and emotional abuse at his mom's home and as a result Kyle and I were awarded full custody. He came to live with us full time when he was 7 years old. By this point I had two other baby boys so we went from one to three children in a matter of a few months. It was a joyful time for us.

I remember when Austin was little I he asked me so many questions and it used to annoy me so much LOL but I always came up with an answer by either making something up or telling him I had to think about it and secretly researching it. He thought I knew everything, I liked it that way. Then suddenly at some point he decided to start asking questions that he already knew the answer to so he could tell me I was wrong when I answered him LOL

Like I said he was always so smart. Austin and I had a really good relationship right from the beginning. We would sit in his room and talk till all hours of the night and we had so much in common. We both came from a broken home where we lived with our fathers and step mother and our biological mothers had things they needed to work on. I know I was sent to him to help get him through things that could have really traumatized him.

When Austin was 11 he was sealed to me in the DC temple. It was one of the most amazing things to ever happen. I was always a little sad that he was not biologically mine because in my heart I felt like he was but it all came together when we were sealed...now I was his eternal mother and that filled my heart so full and I never felt sadness about the biology thing again.

When he was in middle school he met Jess. We brought Austin's baby sister in to school and he brilliantly took her from me and told me to watch what happened. Within minutes the girls were all around him LOL Jess took the baby and she was so sweet with her. Jess and Austin began to talk shortly after and by 15 they were a couple.

I really didn't think much of it, just another girlfriend that would come and go but I really liked her right away...well after I chased her through town in my jeep because Austin had tried to sneak out with her LOL She was so good with my children and I remember thinking what a wonderful mother she was going to be.

Well to my suprise they stayed together and I was so glad. She joined the church at 18 and from the get go she encouraged Austin to go on his mission. Austin was called to the Denver North mission and decided to propose to Jess before leaving. Everyone gave him grief but I knew that it was meant to be and Austin told me that when he went for his endowments he felt prompted that this is what he was supposed to do. I had faith in my son and knew that if the Lord had spoken to him that he should follow regardless of the judgments from others.

Jess and I became close while he was gone. She lived with us for a few months and we spent lots of time laughing and creating weird picture albums for Austin. Jess went to college and got her degree while Austin was gone. I was so proud of her. She also worked and paid for much of the wedding herself! She is incredible!

It was also amazing to witness Austin's transformation during this time. He left a little boy and then turned into this amazing example of a man who had dedicated his life to the Lord to the point that he left the woman he loved knowing that the two years could be too hard on their relationship. It was such a sacrafice for both of them but I never lost faith that it would work out because they were listening to the Lord.

When he got home he married Jess right away. I was so excited for them. What a romantic and beautiful love story they would have to share with their children. Austin baptized many on his mission but the fact that he brought his wife into the church is so special.

Shortly after they were married Austin started college to be an air traffic controller. Jess got pregnant just a few months after the wedding. Again there were those, many actually who critisized them for this but I had faith in my children and I saw Jess with my kids and her brothers and thought that her calling in life is to be a mother.She had supported Austin through his calling as a missionary and I didn't feel like she should have to wait to fulfil hers plus I knew that if this was inspired by the Lord He would take good care of them.

Baby Javan was born on November 25. My life changed forever...I never thought that I could love anyone as much as my children but it's such a different kind of love and such a special kind of love. Javan brings so much joy to my life!

Austin and Jess are active members of the church. They are an amazing example to me and I am so proud of who they are. Austin is the one I go to now when I need blessings and his is an awesome vessel for the Lord.

I am so happy that we will be an eternal family together. They are such incredible people and I am so grateful that they love me and support me in my efforts to be the best mom I can be and the best grammy in the world :) God blessed my life the day he sent Austin to me and my heart grew that day and continues to grow with each new eternal family member he brings into our lives.

So that's the story of how my oldest came to be. I am a very lucky mom and grammy!