Jaxson!!! The baby!

I wanted so bad to have a little boy. I love my daughters but I really really wanted a boy. Kyle and I tried for several months to get pregnant but when it didn't work out right away we decided to wait till after we went on vacation but of course when we least expected it Jaxson decided to come.

Well he was the worst of all my deliveries. Like with Rylee they decided to induce me again. They did the first gel treatment and I started feeling pains in my back but they weren't registering on the hospital's equipment so they sent me home. I knew that I was in labor but decided to listen to them and go home to wait till my contractions became more consistent. I laid down for a nap and it was long till they were two minutes apart. I had to go down to the basement to pack up my boys clothes so they could stay at a friends. My pain was incredible and by this point I couldn't' walk during my contractions. I got half way up the steps and started calling for anyone to come and help me but much to my surprise and just like in the movies everyone had gone to the car and left me alone in the house LOL

By the time I got to the hospital the pain was almost unbearable. They checked me but I was only dilated to 2cms. They said they wouldn't check me for another hour and I calculated that I had to go through 30 more contractions and I didn't think I could take it. I was starting to get a little cranky and began yelling at Kyle and mom LOL Then I just started screaming with pain so the nurses decided to take me back to a room since I was scaring all the new mommies hahahaha I delivered Jax within a few minutes...from the time I got to the hospital till he was out was only 20 minutes!

Jax is quite a character! He is so cute and so funny! He's very much all boy as well. He loves anything to do with boy stuff! He's also better at video games then most teens. He is a little spoiled and thinks nothing of straying from the truth though mommy has been working on that one.

We all love that little guy and we are so glad that he came as our last little spirit to bring us so much laughter and joy. I am hoping to put him in football this next year. :)

Rylee Rose :)

My sweet little Rylee Rose. She by far is the most soft spoken sweetest little thing I've ever come across. I wasn't sure I wanted more kids. In all honesty Kyle was the one who wanted me to have the last two babies but I was excited once I was pregnant. I was almost 30 I think when I gave birth to Rylee. It was a really neat experience for me.

They induced my labor because Kyle was a truck driver and his schedule was unpredictable plus the dr's didn't want me to go into labor too close to the holidays. They started out by giving me gel treatments and they seemed to work fairly well then they started patosin (SP?)and gave me my epidural :)

I felt very little pain with this one. It was a beautiful delivery that I was able to share with Kyle, both my moms and my dad (who stood at my head by the way LOL). Both my mom's on the other hand stalked my personal area, I'm surprised the Dr didn't yell at them as she practically had the both of them looking on one over each shoulder LOL She did allow them to touch Rylee's head prior to her coming out which kind of freaks me out to this day! Then she said one last push and I didn't even have to, the baby just slid right out. Rylee came out perfect. She was 7 pounds 12 ounces and she was pink and pretty as could be. She did have to stay under the heat lamps for a while so I didn't get to hold her right away which about killed me :(

She cried very little and was just a sweetheart from day one. Being a little older than I was when I had my first few babies I was a more experienced mom. I knew what to do and I didn't have any other little ones at home, they had all started school by the time she was born. Rylee was so loving and cuddly. I just loved being with her!

She started to get some curls in her hair by the time she was one and she was just a pretty little thing. She actually won a beauty contest in the category of hair and best over all in her age group. I was so proud of my little beauty queen :)

Rylee is still such sensitive spirit and always wants everyone to love each other. She will give you anything she has even if she doesn't want to...the only way you know she doesn't really want to is she will say yes and then go secretly cry later. She loves to imitate her big sister. She tries to dress like Allyssa but misses the mark just a little LOL she kind of misses the mark with her fashion sense in general but you gotta love her efforts. Anything girly she LOVES. She always tries to leave the house with make-up on which is against the rules...yesterday she tried to leave with my "hooker" boots LOL She is starting to get a little moody at times so I'm watching out for that ;)

Anyway, I'm glad that little one came into my life when she did, she is such a joy to have (most days)LOL

Allyssa

My best friend in the whole world, Allyssa was my first girl. I was so excited to have one but had no idea what to do with one. Her first outfit was a pink baseball suit, yes that's right...I finally have a girl and dress her in a uniform LOL

She has been my most challenging child so far. From the first day she was fussy and demanding and moody. She also was so tiny I was afraid to pick her up and she was so full of fight but she was also cute, funny and full of energy!

We have had so many ups and downs but I feel like my efforts with her are finally paying off. Everyone in the house will say how difficult it is when she doesn't get her way but we all would also agree that she brings life and laughter to almost everything we do :)

I don't know much how to describe her other than to say she is almost exactly like me! Her favorite game is how much can I throw my parents in to shock game LOL Even as a little girl it was like having a teenager in the house, what she didn't know is that I LOVE teenagers!

Allyssa took the divorce pretty hard and she was really angry with me at first. Out of all the kids she is the only one that expressed a desire to stay with her dad. Around the time Kyle moved out I made Allyssa break up with a boy that was way too old for her so tensions ran very high because the princess was not getting her way LOL

It took about 6 months of love and patience and witnessing first hand the things I had been going through with her dad to get her to understand and respect the decision I made to divorce her father.I never wanted to talk bad about my kids dad so I had to let them learn on their own and it's a tough lesson but with her is where I have seen my diligence with God pay off the most. She went from this angry girl to this loving kind almost even patient young woman :) Lately she has been hanging in my room before bed and the other night I told Jax and Rylee they could sleep in here. Well there was a few inches between Allyssa and I at best but Jax decided to squeeze between us. My 15 year old threw the BIGGEST fit LOL she was yelling at him telling him that was her spot and he was just being a big baby! But then I saw her completely change her expression and she began to rub his face and tell him she was sorry. I told her once he fell asleep I would move him LOL it just touched me so much to see how she just wanted to be near me. The last few weeks at church they have been doing the same thing.

Allyssa and I spend 90% of our time laughing together and she brings me up when I am at my lowest. She has gone from fighting me about having a boyfriend to giving me advice about me having one and following the standards of the church. She also has decided to not date until she is 16. She reads her scriptures every night and she always has time to make others laugh.

I love watching that girl go...there's nothing she can't do! She keeps up her grades and her commitments to the Lord and works on top of playing sports! She's in show choir and goes out for the school plays plus she has an incredible social life! I just adore this girl! Sometimes I even hear her take an extra minute to make her baby sister feel special by helping her with hair or make up or just even letting her stay in her room with her. She is such a light in our lives and I'm so proud of my little girl :)

Konner...

I will have to post pics later cuz I'm at work but I had a few minutes so here goes child number 3 :)

Konner was born on March 10, 1994. He was my biggest of all the babies weighing 9 pounds even. I'm pretty sure 8 of it was his head though. I literally used to have to cut his shirts when he was a baby just to get it through!

He was a really good baby right from the start. Even when they circumcised him and gave him his first shots he didn't cry. He was a little more sensitive than the rest when he was younger. I remember whenever I told him "no" no matter whether I said it in a stern voice or a gentle one he would run to the back throw himself down put his head in his arms and cry till I held him!

Konner LOVED power rangers. He even got up and bore his testimony about them when he was 7 LOL He would carry one between each finger and two in his mouth from the age of two till about 10! He was very animated pretty early on and would make lots of funny sounds when he played. I knew the difference between him and Korbyn pretty early...they both played with barbies but Korbyn would brush their hair and Konner would make them fight and pass gas LOL

He was very affectionate and loving and quite the mamma's boy! Up until maybe a year ago he was always going to live with me forever and ever and when he got married him and his wife would live with me! I didn't mind though, I kind of liked the idea to tell you the truth LOL

Konner started becoming interested in school plays in middle school. At the school they give preference to the older kids so he didn't always get the parts he wanted to but he always got to do something. This past year he started going to the Eichelberger Performing Arts Center in Hanover. He absolutely loves it! He has been in several plays now including Apple Tree Hill, Zombie Prom and this year Willy Wonka and God Spell begin showing Nov 14, 20th, and 21st...yes, he has two plays on each day that month. Go to the eich site and check it out for times and prices :) These are just the plays at the arts center. At school he has been in the musicals Aladin, Beauty and the Beast, Mulan, Fiddler on the Roof, Cinderella and a few others I can't remember LOL He stars in the 2nd act of the play this year for the high school but I don't know the name of it yet.

This past month he started working at the Eich to earn a little extra money :) I'm very proud of how hard he pushes himself with the acting. He intends on pursuing it further and my only request is that he not forget to thank his mom and only his mom at the academy awards LOL

On top of being a good actor he always comes up with very quick and witty comebacks! He's really funny in a very sarcastic way (not sure where he gets sarcasm from LOL)

He has lots of friends and honestly I don't see him as much as some of the others...when he is home he LOVES playing on Second Life which is some sort of virtual game that he plays with his friends.

He's a very thoughtful kid and very accepting of others. He is the biggest supporter of his parents even when they do stupid things. He genuinely just wants everyone to be happy. He wasn't very accepting of his sister when she had a boyfriend he didn't like though...he would follow them and send me pictures from school when he didn't like what he saw LOL It was very sweet and cute that he was so protective of her. He's a really good kid and tries to stand up for what he believes in.

He's a little too logical sometimes which is difficult to rationalize with. He doesn't see the point of seminary but he goes cuz I make him and he doesn't want to go on a mission but I'm working on that one. He does love God and he is known by his friends as "the Mormon"

I always said God kissed Konner before he sent him to me. He has the cutest dimple on his cheek and because of that I call him Angel face! I love that kid and him and Allyssa are like having twins that act like a comedy duo!

He's in his junior year of high school and I think that stinks cuz it's only a matter of time before he trots off to New York or California to pursue his dreams. I truly wish him the best and I know he will make it far in life! I get so proud seeing him up there on stage doing what he loves to do and I hope to see it for many more years!

Korbyn...

Korbyn was my first actual pregnancy. We are pretty sure he was supposed to be a miscarriage. I had an incredible amount of blood loss during my first few weeks. I later read that when your baby has health defects your body can expel the baby believing it is a foreign object. Korbyn was born on August 17th 1992 and he had a heart defect called ventricular septic defect, a hole in his ventricle. His Dr suggested we wait and watch since other wise he was a fairly healthy child.

We watched for the next 14 years until finally his valve began to prolapse which meant he would need to have surgery to close the hole in hopes of saving the valve. I can't describe to you the fear that runs through your mind and body as you face something so risky and you know that you are the one signing the papers allowing them to open your child up. He needed full open heart surgery!

Korbyn has always been a quiet spirit. He loves video games and books. He doesn't talk too much to others but once you get to know him he's funny and open. He's always been very private though and embarrasses easily. I guess I just looked at him as a little more frail then the others but I would find out through his health issues that he is much stronger than I ever gave him credit for.

He's always been a little different than my other boys. He loved music and singing and playing the piano he never really wanted to play sports and he LOVED girl toys LOL

Korb's also a very kind person but he has been given many challenges in life. One of his challenges along with his health is he has an explosive temper. It takes a while to push him to his breaking point but when he hits it calming him down is near impossible. He's not violent with people but he gets so angry!

This has been a rough year for my son. He took the divorce the worst I think. He became very defensive of me and very resentful of his father. He was carrying a very heavy weight on his shoulders that he did not want to disclose. There were many nights he would cry uncontrollably. I couldn't fix it which was almost worse than the physical pain I watched him go through. He began therapy shortly after the separation and was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, social anxiety and dysthmic disorder. I felt so bad that I had passed my depressive issues onto my child who already had a body with challenges.

As his mother I continued to sense that things just were not right with him and that he had something really tugging at his soul. It would be several months before he finally talked to me...Korbyn is gay.

This poor kid has been given so many things in life to deal with. I have been grateful to the Lord for bringing him to me and for giving us a plan and a path to follow that would somehow make these challenges a little easier. He has such a good soul and he really longs to please the Lord but he feels as though he can't change his sexuality.

Korbyn and I have a wonderful relationship and we are learning so much from one another. I am learning what true and genuine Christ like love is and he is learning how to be who he is without letting it define him. It's hard to explain what that means to each of us but to say that Korbyn has chosen to actively be a gay man in the church. He plans on still following the rules of courtship but with his own sexual preference. I'm not quite sure how I feel about everything except I know for sure that I love my son and I want to afford him every right to make choices that I do all my friends and fellow brothers and sisters.

I am also a member of a church that doesn't support practicing homosexuality. I firmly believe that if Heavenly Father wants us to practice something He will make it acceptable through our prophets and revelators but I will not stand in judgment of another especially not my own child. I tell my son my beliefs but I still wrap my arms around him every day. I allow Korbyn's companion in our home and he goes to church with us even. If they get married legally then I will accept him in my family The reason I have chosen to do this is because I know that each person is accountalbe for themselves and if I give up on my son and distance him or any of my other brothers or sisters than I'm the one not truly following Christ...Korbyn has his own relationship with our Father in Heaven and I do not know how he will be judged individually. My job as his mother is to teach him, encourage him to make the right choices and to make sure he understands what the churches standing is but I also have to love him care for him and be there when its possible. I think I have done those things.

It is very very hard for me. I am sad because he will have such a hard life but my son is a good person. He goes to college and is working towards being an RN. He works at walmart part time and pays for his insurance and phone bill. He helps with the kids and he tries really hard to be a source of support for me.

Korbyn may be facing another open heart surgery this year as his valve still has a moderate leak. Once again he is taking it like a trooper and his response was good...I get some time off work LOL

Korbyn's an amazing child born with difficult physical issues but he is still going on. I am so proud of him for continuing to go to church despite the fact that others may not think he should be there. It shows me that he does love the Lord even through his challenge and maybe at some point he will overcome his physical trial. The best part of all of this is the love I know Heavenly Father has for my son! God blessed my life with another son who is fighting his way through many earthly trials...we can't win them all but I'm proud of his efforts!

Austin,Jess and baby Javan

So I decided to post a blog about each one of my kids over the next few days or so. Today it's Austin's turn :)

I became Austin's mom when he was three years old. Kyle and his ex-wife had joint custody of him but his mom was keeping visitation away from Kyle. We began to fight what ended up being a very long custody battle. During the fight we were awarded joint custody from Sunday through Thursday and Shauna had him Thursday to Sunday.

Austin was such a bright little boy full of laughter and energy. I became pregnant right after I got married and chasing Austin was not easy LOL Kyle and I had problems pretty much right away but I knew that I was supposed to be this little boys mother. Austin went through a lot of physical and emotional abuse at his mom's home and as a result Kyle and I were awarded full custody. He came to live with us full time when he was 7 years old. By this point I had two other baby boys so we went from one to three children in a matter of a few months. It was a joyful time for us.

I remember when Austin was little I he asked me so many questions and it used to annoy me so much LOL but I always came up with an answer by either making something up or telling him I had to think about it and secretly researching it. He thought I knew everything, I liked it that way. Then suddenly at some point he decided to start asking questions that he already knew the answer to so he could tell me I was wrong when I answered him LOL

Like I said he was always so smart. Austin and I had a really good relationship right from the beginning. We would sit in his room and talk till all hours of the night and we had so much in common. We both came from a broken home where we lived with our fathers and step mother and our biological mothers had things they needed to work on. I know I was sent to him to help get him through things that could have really traumatized him.

When Austin was 11 he was sealed to me in the DC temple. It was one of the most amazing things to ever happen. I was always a little sad that he was not biologically mine because in my heart I felt like he was but it all came together when we were sealed...now I was his eternal mother and that filled my heart so full and I never felt sadness about the biology thing again.

When he was in middle school he met Jess. We brought Austin's baby sister in to school and he brilliantly took her from me and told me to watch what happened. Within minutes the girls were all around him LOL Jess took the baby and she was so sweet with her. Jess and Austin began to talk shortly after and by 15 they were a couple.

I really didn't think much of it, just another girlfriend that would come and go but I really liked her right away...well after I chased her through town in my jeep because Austin had tried to sneak out with her LOL She was so good with my children and I remember thinking what a wonderful mother she was going to be.

Well to my suprise they stayed together and I was so glad. She joined the church at 18 and from the get go she encouraged Austin to go on his mission. Austin was called to the Denver North mission and decided to propose to Jess before leaving. Everyone gave him grief but I knew that it was meant to be and Austin told me that when he went for his endowments he felt prompted that this is what he was supposed to do. I had faith in my son and knew that if the Lord had spoken to him that he should follow regardless of the judgments from others.

Jess and I became close while he was gone. She lived with us for a few months and we spent lots of time laughing and creating weird picture albums for Austin. Jess went to college and got her degree while Austin was gone. I was so proud of her. She also worked and paid for much of the wedding herself! She is incredible!

It was also amazing to witness Austin's transformation during this time. He left a little boy and then turned into this amazing example of a man who had dedicated his life to the Lord to the point that he left the woman he loved knowing that the two years could be too hard on their relationship. It was such a sacrafice for both of them but I never lost faith that it would work out because they were listening to the Lord.

When he got home he married Jess right away. I was so excited for them. What a romantic and beautiful love story they would have to share with their children. Austin baptized many on his mission but the fact that he brought his wife into the church is so special.

Shortly after they were married Austin started college to be an air traffic controller. Jess got pregnant just a few months after the wedding. Again there were those, many actually who critisized them for this but I had faith in my children and I saw Jess with my kids and her brothers and thought that her calling in life is to be a mother.She had supported Austin through his calling as a missionary and I didn't feel like she should have to wait to fulfil hers plus I knew that if this was inspired by the Lord He would take good care of them.

Baby Javan was born on November 25. My life changed forever...I never thought that I could love anyone as much as my children but it's such a different kind of love and such a special kind of love. Javan brings so much joy to my life!

Austin and Jess are active members of the church. They are an amazing example to me and I am so proud of who they are. Austin is the one I go to now when I need blessings and his is an awesome vessel for the Lord.

I am so happy that we will be an eternal family together. They are such incredible people and I am so grateful that they love me and support me in my efforts to be the best mom I can be and the best grammy in the world :) God blessed my life the day he sent Austin to me and my heart grew that day and continues to grow with each new eternal family member he brings into our lives.

So that's the story of how my oldest came to be. I am a very lucky mom and grammy!